YOUR TEENAGER'S IDENTITY - (This article also discusses Dyslexia)
How do we release our Teenagers into their True Identity without putting 'failure' all over them?
Firstly what does IDENTITY MEAN? Psychologists most commonly use the term "identity" to describe personal identity, or the idiosyncratic things that make a person unique. Sociologists often use the term to describe social identity, or the collection of group memberships that define the individual.
Therefore each Teenager is UNIQUE. Our role as parents is to identify the unique qualities in our Teenagers, nurture them and bring them to the fore of who they are.
When our Teenagers walk in TRUTH to their identity (rather than who we want them to be) then their AUTHORITY (again unique to them) will become evident and clear.
As an example a client of mine (call him Tom for reference)- a 14 year old boy, came to see me. His parents described him as: "Struggling with severe DYSLEXIA. His writing is poor, his concentration weak and not only is he is failing miserably but he's desperately unhappy too".
SHOCK!! HORROR!! WARNING SIGNS!!
In the first introduction this is how 'Tom' had been identified and therefore THIS IS WHO TOM HAD BECOME!!
After 2 sessions only I re identified 'Tom':
"A child who loves Lego and sport. Extraordinarily gifted in spatial awareness. Can see the 'bigger picture' without getting distracted by the irrelevant, mundane nuances in life. Has incredible authority in mastering problem solving and therefore has a mathematical mind and will do well in physics, as well as in subjects where teachers can visually instruct. Being an 'eagle' flying high above situations Tom will also succeed in team sports as his thinking of 'ball positioning' is advanced from that of his teammates. Finally, Tom shines with passion, energy and vitality for life when he is given RESPONSIBILITY. As a MASTER PLAYER and LEADER he comes into his own when solving problems for others."
Tom had the chance of walking around in life wearing one of two labels: The first read as FAILURE. The second read as SUCESS.
Now he had the choice, he could choose how he wanted to view himself REGARDLESS of how others wished to label him.
So why had his parents brought him to see me with such a negative understanding of who their child was? Why had they not seen his true identity? Why would they wish to label him?
All parents have the best interests of their child at heart so this would seem absurd!
I believe as a small child Tom's parents would have indeed seen those qualities in Tom. As a 2 year old and 4 year old Tom would have naturally revealed those three dimensional thinking skills. He would have displayed the qualities of 'side tracking' the irrelevant in life to focus on what he felt important. However because we as parents focus on what we think is important 'tidy your room before tea', we miss what is going o